Life to the Fullest, Fulfilled

On Saturday, May 1, 2010, Emily peacefully went to a place without CF, a place where she can run, surf and breathe without worry. She lived her life exuding love and grace, impacting everyone who ever met her and showing the power of the knowledge of the resurrection of Christ in our lives. We already miss her and are so grateful for the support of everyone who knew Emily and loved her as much as she loved everyone else.

We will hold a memorial to celebrate Emily's life:

Saturday, May 8th, 11:00 AM

First Christian Church Huntington Beach, http://www.fcchb.com/

1207 Main Street, Huntington Beach, CA 92648

Following the service and refreshments, we will invite everyone to go to a nearby beach and put our feet in the water as we remember Emily who loved the ocean. Casual dress okay.

Haager Family

21536 Carriso Road

Diamond Bar, CA 91765

909-396-1095

Love, The Haagers

Where's Emily?

This is Emily's mom posting for her as she dictates to me:

In case you are wondering where the heck I've been and why I haven't been posting, it's been an interesting month. Needless to say, I've been in the hospital for a month, not really able to communicate but my family has done a fine job communicating with everybody via Care Pages: 

https://www.carepages.com/carepages/emilyhaager

Feel free to catch up with what's going on using Care Pages and I'll be back to blogging eventually. 

~Em

(via Diane)

Ringing in 2010 in Hawaii!

I had an incredible gift given to me by the Burlingham family this year-- they gave me a trip to Hawaii over the week of New Years! I got to spend 7 days with them in Kailua, Oahu, and enjoy the beauty of the ocean (and a home right on the water) and breathe in the salt water for 24 hours a day. 

Making the decision to go, however, was really difficult. Up until Dec. 24th I was in the hospital, really sick, and knew that if I were discharged in time for Christmas that I would be taking IV meds home with me for a week. I also knew that traveling would be hard, doing my meds away from my home would be hard and that it would especially be emotionally draining to be away from my family and being vulnerable with a whole new family. Not only did God bless me and get me out of the hospital in time for Christmas, but I was given the "ok" to go from my doctor as long as I kept up with my IV schedule and medication regimen. It was a huge leap of faith, and I know that without God's help in healing me just enough to go, I wouldn't have been able to spend that week there. 

I relaxed, slept a lot, listened to the waves crash for 24 hours a day, looked at the beauty of Hawaiian ocean, surfed a little, paddled a little, and spent wonderful time with the Burlingham family who welcomed me in and took care of me with open arms. Thank you, Burlinghams for an incredible vacation that was much needed....and thank you, Lord, for allowing me to go and teaching me to trust you in that time.

Here are a few pics from the beauty that is Hawaii....ahhh, oh how I miss it....

~Em

Ps. Yes, the Obama family was staying on the same beach, about 5 or so houses down....haha. No we didn't see them, but did see a ton of secret service and military boats!

Above: the beach in front of our house..... Below: military boats lined up protecting our pres.

Me at the Royal Hawaiian hotel....famous, and very pink :)
Diamond Head....
Another pic of the beach in front of the house....
Judy and I all dressed up for dinner!

2010 already?

Yep, it's 2010 and it's already been a whirlwind of a year that I didn't get the chance to blink and it's already the middle of January. I wish I could start to process all that's happened in 2009, but mostly before I post about the awesome/crazy few weeks I've had- I want to step back and say how grateful I am for another year to live. As I stood on a beach in Hawaii on new year's eve this year, I reflected on the fact that 2009 was a "rough ride" so to speak. Yet, I also reflected on the fact that God is continually showing me that He is in control-- not me. And as much as I want to say that I've got it all figured out, I don't and all I can do is trust.

So instead of a "resolution" for new year's I decided to pray specifically for this verse in my life- that God would shape me and grow me in character this year in this way: 

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes;  its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." -Jeremiah 17:7-8

So, though I'm a little late, I wish you all a happy new year....may 2010 be a year of full of blessings and joy for you all, and a year in which we find our confidence in the Lord.

~Em

Hope

This Christmas, I learned an entire new meaning of the word Hope. I haven't had much energy to blog the last week as I've been in the hospital fighting another infection. As I was admitted last saturday, the first thing that came to mind was "I might miss Christmas at home", and almost immediately, I was filled with an unspeakable Hope. 

As I think today of the story of Jesus, the entire reason we celebrate, I think of the amount of Hope that kept people going before the Messiah arrived. For 400 years, they had waited and hoped that the messiah would come save them- 400 years...without any response, or even a glimmer of hope. Yet they kept hoping that maybe the next year HE would come. When Mary was told she would have a baby, which seemed the most impossible thing on earth, the angel comforts her with the thought that "nothing is impossible with God", Luke 1:37. Again, the idea of hope. Hope that it's God's work, she's in God's hands and nothing is to big or too impossible that God can't do it. We were given a savior because nothing is impossible with God, perpetual Hope that God is in control.

I've read and heard the story of Christmas for many years and this year, it took on a whole new meaning. This year, as I was filled with Hope in the hospital for the 6 days leading up to Christmas, I never once doubted that I was in God's hands. I never feared that I wasn't being taken care of, and each moment I was worried or scared, God continued to bring to mind "Nothing is impossible with God".  God continued to fill me with hope, drive out fear, and remind me I was loved. Nothing is impossible- coming home for Christmas, breathing easier, medications working, or even a cure for CF. Nothing is impossible with God.

So tonight as I finish up my IV medication and hit my pillow, I want to thank God for reminding me of that, showing us the Hope we have in Christ, and the incredible joy that comes from the simple fact that our savior was born. He was born to save and change our lives. He was born because God didn't lose Hope for his people. I am thankful for my family, who not only walked with me each step as I was cooped up in the hospital by bringing me food, keeping me company and helping me through the healing process. but more importantly kept hoping with me. They hoped right beside me- hoping that I would be home and well enough for Christmas (which I am), hoping the meds would work and we'd see this infection start to clear up, hoping that God would give me strength to fight, and hoping for miracles. I cannot express the thankfulness in my heart for a day spent with my family who loves me just the way I am,with  time to rejoice in the life we've been given and time to celebrate Christmas with such love. Wow, what an amazing day. I am overwhelmed with hope, and overwhelmed with joy tonight.

Merry Christmas, dear friends and family. I pray you are as well, filled with hope.

~Em

Borrowing this "top ten" idea....

So a fellow CF bro, Ronnie (check out his blog!) posts top tens every tuesday, which I thought was pretty sweet! Though I may not keep the tradition of doing it every tuesday, I really liked his top-ten this week and figured i'd steal the idea (thanks Ronnie, props to you!). I do always wonder what people's most played music on their iTunes is, so I figured I'd start with my posting the top ten iTunes songs I've played most. I was kinda surprised by the list, its a mix of everything :)

Top Ten songs on my iTunes

10. 360 Degrees of You- SheDaisy

9. Beautiful One- Jeremy Camp

8. That's When I Love You- Phil Vassar

7. In Christ Alone- Geoff Moore

6. Everlasting God- Chris Tomlin

5. Your Love is Strong- Jon Foreman

4. Passenger Seat- SheDaisy

3. Amazing- Josh Kelley

2. Blessed be Your Name- Tree 63

1. The Way You Look Tonight- Fred Astaire

~Em

CF Wine Opener Event

Sunday I attended a first-time event for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation here in Orange County called the "CF Wine Opener". A wonderful night of wine tasting and gourmet food tasting :). Multiple restaurants and wineries in the area came out and showcased their food and wine for all to taste and enjoy! Plus, Brian Malarky from the tv show "Top Chef" came to do a live cooking demonstration- that was the highlight of the night :).

I had dear friends Dannah and Brynne working the event with me (though we got to enjoy the food and atmosphere so we had a blast). The event was filled with incredible people supporting Cystic Fibrosis and raised $15,000 all going towards Cystic Fibrosis Research!! Many thanks to those who worked hard to put this event on and to those attending and supporting the event, it was a huge success and tons of fun....here are a few pics of Dannah, Brynne and myself working and having fun together :)

~Em

Yo-ho, yo-ho, a pirates life for me....Brynne and I selling Pirates of the Carribean mugs :)
Love you, ladies!

Thankful for life

This year on Thanksgiving, I was able to spend the morning surfing at the beach! It was surprisingly warm, about 80 degrees so after taking at least 5 weeks off of surfing due to the swine flu I got up and headed west to enjoy the morning on the shore. The waves were nothing special, really small actually, but the sun was shining and my new long board (thanks Cesar!) was the perfect ride for the small 1-2 footers. 

As I sat on my board looking out at the horizon I was overcome with a thankfulness for life. I was reminded that this year on Thanksgiving no matter the circumstances I'm frustrated about or the questions I've been asking God for months, I am thankful for the fact that I had another Thanksgiving with my family and the gift of breathing in the fresh air that morning. I spent the day choosing to think of how blessed and how much I've been graced with- family, friends, a home, my 26 years of health, all that God has done to use CF for good in my life and my relationship with the Lord. I am truly thankful this weekend and praying and asking God to allow this verse to ring true in my life- that I would be shaped more into a woman of thanksgiving, remembering how much God has already given me.

Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. -1 Thessalonians 2:11 

~Em

Holiday Shopping for CF!

That's right....now through Christmas day, if you plan on buying a Christmas movie (made by Warner films) buy it at CVS Pharmacy. Each Christmas film bought there, CVS will give $5 to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation! See this article for more details :)

Can't believe it's the Christmas season!

~Em

Disneyland with the Family

Tuesday we spent the day as a family celebrating my mom's birthday! (See post below :).

We went to disneyland for a few hours and then off to dinner at Taps in Brea (yum!). Check out some pics....Happy Birthday, Mom! 

~Em

Happy Birthday Mom!

Today is my wonderful mother's birthday! I won't share how old she is on this public blog, she might disown me, haha just kidding....But seriously, I want to share a little bit about my mom and her role in my life. I am so blessed to get to celebrate with her and my whole family later at Disneyland (I'll post some pics of that tomorrow).  I thank the Lord for giving me a mom like her- she has brought me through so much and I truly believe God placed her in my life, and in our family for many reasons.

My mom is a woman who is incredibly selfless and she gives of herself every moment.  I've heard many stories of families with children with CF and as I hear stories of mothers who are just like mine (selfless, encouraging, loving) and stories on the contrary of mothers who don't support their children, I can't help but be thankful for her sacrifice in my life. I am so lucky. When my parents had me, their first child, Cystic Fibrosis was furthest from their mind. I am sure they had dreamed that their child would be healthy, just like each parent dreams. When doctors told my parents the news, I know they went through a flood of emotions and thoughts. Just as any parent would experience, I'm sure it was one of the most difficult moments in life. But through it all, my mother, never, not once, let me feel like I was 'sick' or like I couldn't do anything. She was and still is my number one cheerleader- keeping me encouraged, keeping me focused on what's important, empowering me to embrace who I am and live my life well and loving me each step of the difficult road. She taught me to feel like I could do anything, that CF didn't need to control me mentally but that it was something I could live with and continue on with the dreams and plans I had for myself. She helped me dream and keep those dreams alive, and it's the greatest gift a mom could ever give. 

As I've grown up, my mom has graciously allowed me and taught me to take care of myself. I am glad she taught me to be independent and yet if I need help, she's the first one at my side.  At times when I feel alone or have felt overwhelmed, she is always there to help me pick myself up and work through it. Just these past three weeks, for example, she put down all of her work and responsibilities to take care of me. As I lay with 103 degree fever, she made sure I was eating and drinking and was right by my side when I was admitted to the hospital making sure I was comfortable...and makes sure that I stay on my toes playing cards ;). Each time I go through a hospital stay or a rough time with CF (Or not with CF) she is right there to encourage and love me through it all. She is a woman of wisdom and grace, someone I can go to in the midst of any part of life.

Happy Birthday, mom. You mean so much to me- more than this blog post, any birthday card and any speech could never express. You are an incredible example of someone who works hard, loves with each ounce of your being and is always hoping in the Lord for all things. You never give up and you sacrifice everything for your family. I thank God for you, for how He's brought you in my life and made you the strong, supportive, and loving woman that you are. Thanks for being my mom, my friend, and my encourager and my example of a Godly woman. 

I love you so much.

~Em

Swine-free is the way to be!

Here's a little update...bullet-point version style (Mostly because i'm so tired, I don't think I would make complete sentences!):

-I officially ended my IV meds this past weekend and pulled out my needle from my port on Saturday night! Praise the Lord, it feels good to be free!

-I am swine-flu free, no need to get the H1N1 shot, I've got plenty of antibodies to protect me.

-I am really wiped out, my stamina is low and I'm pretty sure my PFT numbers still aren't back to normal. I'll go back to clinic in 2 weeks to have a check-up...until then, I'm working out and working on getting my numbers back up.

-Went back to work today....so tired...but nice to be back...enough said :)

-Ready to surf? Not quite yet. Maybe after I don't get winded walking to my car after work. Hm.

-Appetite is back? Not yet....I'm working on it, it's slow but steady. My doc said the combo of meds I was on was pretty brutal, so even though my digestion is slowly getting better, my appetite is slow to return and it will once the meds get out of my system.

That's about it...stay away from swine-flu, peeps. It is a gnarly bug, I am blessed and grateful to be on the other side of it now :)

~Em

Update on Denise

For those of you praying, here is a little update I've received today through a friend...Praise God, all has gone extremely well. Denise went into surgery yesterday at 4pm and finished just after midnight. By today at 3pm (less than 24 hours post-surgery!!) she was breathing on her own without any tubes, and by 7pm tonight she was awake and eating some Jell-O :)!! She is still in the ICU but everything is going great.

What an incredible miracle and also a mind blowing thought...to think that just over 24 hours ago she was breathing with her lungs and now she is breathing with someone else's lungs??! I mean, wow. I know she's got a huge road of recovery to go, this is just one step of the mile long process. But, she is doing very well and to be awake and breathing without support is an amazing feat. Please keep her in your prayers and I'll make sure I keep updating. Thank you friends and CF Community. I know she would be blessed to know she is being lifted up by so many.

~Em

Praying for Denise

Right now, an old friend from my CF Camp days (back when we used to be able to go to camp) is getting a lung transplant! What an incredible miracle, a huge life change and a huge blessing. It's a huge surgery and huge recovery. Her name is Denise, and I ask you to join me in praying right now. Surgery is scheduled for 2pm at USC University Hospital.

If I could scan and upload an old photo of us, I would. But right now, please keep her in your prayers...

Thanks, friends.

~Em

Great Quote

Props to my friend Dannah for this fabulous quote....it had to be posted on the blog considering my recent encounter with swine flu:

"Swine flu is the Kanye West of infection diseases.....

everybody knows about it and loves to hate on it"

:)

~Em

First day out :)

Yesterday was my "first day out"! I know, sounds cheesy to blog about that, but for me it was a big deal. Instead of wearing sweats and a t-shirt I put on some 'real clothes', did my hair and actually drove my car to meet my friend Kim for lunch! We went to a new place in Fullerton which had excellent, fresh, homemade, healthy food called The Greenhouse Cafe (I highly recommend it if you're in the Fullerton, CA area). I'd like to go back there once my appetite is back and try many things on the menu! After that, we walked around some vintage shops in downtown Fullerton. It was a lovely afternoon :).

I was exhausted when I got back but it was well worth the outing to feel 'normal' again. I always go through the process of getting back into my life when I get out of the hospital. I balance my health care and a slow gradual adding of my normal life things- like driving, and hanging with friends. It's definitely a process....but a good one. I'm blessed to be out of the hospital and as I reflect on the last 2 weeks, I see the progress I've made. Two weeks ago, I could barely stand up I was so dizzy from the flu and lack of oxygen and now, I had a day out in Fullerton and each day gets better and better :).

~Em

So glad to be home

That's right...I am officially out of the hospital and home in my own house, sleeping in my own bed and eating homemade food! It's such an amazing feeling! I was discharged Saturday and after a discussion with my doctor we decided I would do another 7 days of IV meds just to make sure my body has fully kicked the infection in my lungs. I have two IV and one oral antibiotic that I'll continue for another week.

Because I spent the first 10 days or so of being sick fighting off the flu, my body still has some catching up to do to help fight this infection in my lungs. My lungs still aren't back to normal- my breathing still gets a little short and I'm getting tons of mucus out (which is a big sign that my lungs still aren't in the clear). Thankfully my flu IS gone (with sadly, the exception of my appetite's absence).  So, with another 7 days of IV meds plus home-cooked food some gradual exercise and my own bed, I'm hoping to be back up on my feet and rearing to go in my normal life very soon. 

I had no idea how much this swine flu took out of me I got until today, spending my first full day at home, all I wanted to do was sleep! I find that many times after I leave the hospital- though I am supposed to be resting, the hospital is not exactly the best environment for that. I am constantly interrupted, walked in on by doctors, nurses, interns, maintenance workers, you name it (if only they'd allow us to lock our doors....hmm...guess that would defeat the purpose of people taking care of you ;). Anyways, when I got to take a nap today without anybody walking in my room it was a beautiful feeling! 

This week, I plan on doing my very best to re-gain my strength and stamina and fully recover. And I am extremely glad to be doing it from home :). As I reflect tonight before doing my next dose of medication, I am so thankful for the incredible USC staff of docs and nurses who really took care of me and helped nurse me back from the pit of the swine flu. It was a huge blessing to have people managing my health care for me when I didn't have the energy or strength to do it. I am so thankful for the care I received the last 14 days and thankful to be home to finish up the healing process.

~Em

So cute

I'm not the kind of person that gets into halloween....but when I saw this random pic of a kid's costume, I couldn't help but post it :).  Not sure who it is, it was on the internet....but bravo for being creative and adorable!! Maybe someday, Lord willing, when I have my own kids I'll get to dress them up all cute!

~Em

A Simple Letter

Dear Food,

How I miss thee! Oh how I miss the joy of eating delicious appetizing food. Why can't I be hungry? Please start tasting good and settling happily in my stomach, I would greatly appreciate your cooperation in this matter.

Warmly,

Emily

ps. In case you didn't get it, I want my appetite back! I'm on day 14 of having this swine flu and my appetite has not returned....I'm ready to start wanting to eat again!

Sweet poster

Just a little fun for today :)

This poster was up in the elevators at USC....gotta love the Trojan man stomping in victory on the little germ sticking his tongue out! Way to fight on, Trojans!

Go USC :)

~Em